Inenucleable
by Sadistic Shadow
Summary: [Tidus-centric; One-Shot] Tidus reflects on certain memories, making note of the fact that he's no longer the brass, young hot-shot he used to be.


Have you ever loved anything so much that you thought your heart would burst if you breathed too hard? I'm not exactly talking about a person--although I do have someone that could cause the very same to happen. I'm talking about an ideal or an activity of some kind. Something that you literally eat, sleep, breathe. Something that you live for.

For the longest time, that thing for me was a game. A game more specifically known as blitzball. I loved how I could make the very water about me seemingly come alive as I sliced through it swifter than a hot knife through butter. I loved how I could perform daring acrobatics high above the sphere and push my body to its very limits. I loved how I could bash, smash and crash into other players, relieving my incomprehensible level of stress. I loved how I could become a modern-day hero the moment I donned my uniform and I loved every ounce of exhilaration I felt upon scoring a goal. And most importantly, I loved how I could lose myself in the game and how nothing else mattered the moment my fingertips broke the surface of the water. And I still do.

But things have changed. Everything is different now. Completely different. Whether that is good or bad, I have yet to decide. Currently, I have no qualms about such a change. Maybe I will tomorrow, though. It varies by the day. In the old life--for that is really the only thing it can accurately be described as--I lived quite selfishly. This I cannot deny. In this new life of mine, however, I like to think that I live for another.

When I first arrived in Besaid Village, I was not aware that Yuna was a woman. Rather, I was under the impression that all those known as 'summoners' in this world called Spira were crotchety old men with nothing better to do than bitch about the precepts and how they must be obeyed. You can surely understand my surprise when I first caught sight of the beautiful young woman with dual-colored orbs.

As she stumbled down the stairs before me, those enchanting eyes met mine for but a moment, and in that single instant, everything was okay again. During that brief, unaltered period of time, my desire to return to Zanarkand was gone, replaced only with the will to remain by this gentle young woman's side and aid her through any strife or struggle that would come to pass. But then, reality kicked in and that wonderful vision was shattered. Or so I thought at the time.

I talked to her that night for the first time. Our conversation was brief, but it was meaningful. That night, I had a dream. She was in it, and so was that mysterious Al Bhed girl named Rikku. My father was there as well. It was a strange dream. Hell, it wasn't much of a dream to begin with. Looking back on it, it was almost some kind of eerie vision of things to come. I still don't know all of what it was about, but that hardly matters now.

Considering some of the annoying things that came out of my mouth, I'm a bit stunned that none of them tried to feed me to a fiend. That sure would have been an interesting fate. Being torn apart by claws and jaws…What a morbid train of thought. Off-topic, to boot.

Anyway, it wouldn't be until the next night that I realized what an amazing person she was. She believed me when no one else would, and she placed both her dignity and her reputation on the line for me by standing up for me in front of those smarmy gits, the Luca Goers. That touched me like no other, for no one had ever done something like that for me before. In a bout of frustration, I managed to pull off my father's infamous shot, the one I'd never before been able to perform. To hear her clapping for me like that was to hear the singing of angels. When we talked about my father, and about what a 'good' and 'kind' man he was, it was all I could do not to laugh in her face. I think I failed, because I'm pretty sure she caught onto my amusement. But she'd merely taken what I said in stride, bidding me a quiet goodnight when it grew later than we should have been up and about.

Thinking about the early days never fails to bring a smile to my face. Things were so much simpler then, as the lot of us strode forth to destinies unknown. Me, thinking I was on my way home to my precious Zanarkand, Yuna thinking she was on her way to the slaughter. Just remembering how resigned to her fate she was causes my teeth to clench. She should have never had to deal with that feeling. She should have never had to think about giving her life up like she was prepared to do. Especially considering that there _was_ another way.

Thinking of her namesake also makes me angry. For all her great wisdom, Yunalesca had been a fool. It wasn't like Yuna was the only capable summoner…That we might have had a plan meant nothing to her. No, if we would not blindly meet her demands, we would die by her hands. What was the logic in that? What was the logic in losing our lives to her, when we could have used the last of our energy beating down on Sin? If she was so sure that there was only one way to bring that whale of a monster down, why wouldn't she just let us take it on and 'learn our lesson'? That thought has always bothered me. It's almost as if she was in on the whole thing.

But we succeeded in the end, and that was all that really mattered. We ruled, Yu Yevon drooled, yada-yada, etcetera-etcetera. My job was done, and my time in Spira was at an end. To stare into Yuna's tearful face and tell her that I couldn't be with her is the hardest thing I've done to date. It'll probably be the hardest thing I'll ever do, too. Maybe I could have made it through alright, but when she said…those words…My heart just broke. For her, for me, for this entire tragic affair…And they said the hero always wins? That the hero always gets the girl? I 'lost' the moment I jumped off that airship and touched palms with my father. I seemed like such the cheerful optimist at the time, but by then, much like Yuna herself, I was a master at putting up a façade.

Even as I account for all that happened, I feel a faint strum of a heart. My heart? By all rights, I shouldn't have one. But each day that I remain here in this black abyss, the pounding in my chest grows louder. I fear that one day, I might just burst open at the seem and gush my life-blood all over the place, perhaps finally putting an end to this miserable existence.

But no, what's this? Another sound becomes heard. The gentle lulling of the open sea. Why? How? These things matter not as my stiff limbs unfurl and I stretch, the black replaced by blue. I gather my wits and spring upwards. What will find me there? What will I see? Where will I go? Where am I in the first place?

_I don't know_, my heart whispers, _but you'll soon find out_…

* * *

A/N: This plot-bunny has been after me since I got the game, way back when it first came out. Originally this was going to be two chapters long, with the second one detailing Yuna's thoughts, but now I feel this stands best alone. Yes, this is a one-shot. No, there will not be more. So please, kindly, don't ask.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy X and all related characters are the exclusive property of Square-Enix (then Squaresoft). I make no claims of ownership.

Please Review!


End file.
